A couple of days ago, I took a stroll in the park to simply recalibrate. Lately I've been feeling a bit antsy while trying to complete tasks, that I'd rather perfect before marking it "Complete" on my to-do-list. I think it's my idea of perfection that brings about a strain on me mentally. I know that my need to perfect things stimulates from my slight fear of failure. I fear the idea of falling from my high expectations and the scarring that lesson will leave behind. I'm sure we've all been there, and we know to expect near after, that undeniable gravitational pull , that unwavering urge to get back up and try again; causing us to give "it" one more shot. Giving it one more shot seems harder than the fall, in my opinion. Even in my moments of sarcasm though, I still cringe at it's underlying truth. I'd like to say that we all are willing to take the first step but its where our foot will land at it's second step that can cause us to uncomfortably stand on one leg, until we know our first leg took root. Thankfully, my routine of daily prayer requires me to self reflect and then consult with my therapist (God) for understanding. I notice this gives me the revelation needed to confront and conquer whatever worries me at that time. When I submit to his true peace, casting down every worry, I am then able to walk by faith. In that moment I realized, God had me right where he wanted me and as the sun beamed on my skin so soothingly, I let the world go silent. I walked, and listened , attempting to confront that little ball of fear that so happened to know me by name, and address me like a second cousin.
Above you'll see the revelation I received that day in the park. A tree so deeply rooted that no matter how far it seemed to lean, it remained grounded, bearing fruit for all to see. Leaning in what seemed to be an uncomfortable position, I knew this was enough sign from God to have me stop and ask questions. In that moment I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I thought, "Oh God, in fear of it falling and maybe causing damage to something , how has it been able to keep root for so long? How is it that it has weathered the storms and years of uncomfortableness? it seemed to grow anyway in spite the fact of?". It angled strongly amongst trees that seemed normal and it roots were still perfectly grounded. Taking a seat at the bench, I knew then that the fear I felt, God had designed this tree, amongst other things he created, to not. As it says in 2 Timothy VS. 7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline, it occurred to me that what God indeed designs he perfects and stabilizes. He only asks us to trust him and continue to grow even when things began to lean uncontrollably, and not look like every "normal" thing around us, he is still our true anchor. Even when others don’t understand what they see, we still follow his ultimate will to become anyway because just as I needed to see this tree lean, someone needs to see us lean, and become, anyway. Just as this tree, he designed us to never stop growing and that is why when fear or uneasiness blocks our roots, the urge to grow lurks with force.
God uses us in a plan bigger than we can imagine. As I self-reflected, I saw how ultimately we try to make sense of our beginning hoping to be in control of our end. We see the vision and because we know not how far we'll lean, it causes us to have emotions that hinder our growth And only desire only to go forth when all the pieces connect and make sense. I want to encourage you , that just as this tree, to be so rooted in God’s Yes to you , and my prayer is that you find the courage to maintain your Yes to him. Don’t worry about what it looks like or what others may say at your second (even if it’s the seventh) attempt , because the faith to lean and still stand pleases God. your faith walk is not designed to please everyone, but those it is divinely connected to will stir the faith in them needed to conquer all. it is then we understand and hold tight to him, because we are sure it is not by our might but by his spirit that is how we prayer. When you think about, who it is it that is watching your faith walk? What group of people will your purpose and testimony inspire?
You got this!
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